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Shakin' at your touch

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[21 Jul 2005|12:44am]
New journal time... these old entries make me cringe, so read them for a good laugh, otherwise I'm, moving on and sorry about the friends cut... just keeping the real ones close. So yeah, the new unexplained person on your friends list.. it's just me! ADD ME NOW.
To Keep This One

[17 Jul 2005|06:43pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

So yesterday Dan IMs me out of the blue and is actually talking to me which is a change because, well he's never online and our lives split last year and whatnot... well I know he's not coming back to the buff so I really always wanted him to know I liked him because, come on that's funny. So I told him and I was like, I really dont care because I'm never seeing you again and he was like WHAT? WHEN? Oh you're going to see me and you're going to be so happy, and I was like... NO I DONT EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

The powers out at the fort, oh let me explain this 5 gazillion billion people who actually CAME IN today even though the BATHROOMS DONT WORK.
Idiot- "So how long has the power been out, did you have a storm?"
Me- "No it went out at 2 yesterday, a transformer broke up, I MEAN BLEW UP! Why do I keep saying BROKE UP?"

I HATE CINDY AND ALL THE PEOPLE THAT WORK FOR HER. She's an idiot and she always bitches about our staff when we have the hardest jobs there! Why can't the gateperson tell the freaking people why there's no power???? DON'T YOU THINK THEYD LIKE TO KNOW??? Jake was doing a musket fireing demonstration and katie wanted to go over and watch it because she was off the clock, so I start walking over and it kinda had already started, and I was like NOOO Katie I can't go over there, I was probably rude to all those people, and I'll walk up and they'll be like oh, there's that bitchy cashier that over charged me! :( You do 100 transactions on calculator! Although... we did it the very hard way until Theresa came in and showed us how to do it right... holy hell. Oh and then Lauren, little miss... I just got hired this year and have been working for a month... who bosses ME around... now I know this high and mighty ranking system of who has rank over who is was drove Trace to quit and everything, but... this little tart doesnt know how to do anything, and, she was all like... oh if Theresa doesn't come in I can close... and I'm like are ya nuts? There are like 5 of us qualified to close and you are not one of them! Well... all I said was you don't know how to close, and she got super pissed at me but whatever, she's an idiot. No one knows what the fuck or who the fuck I'm talking about.

I also had to tell Rory at work today I had a boyfriend so he wouldnt ask me out :(

But hey there's like a little over a month till school....!!!!hja6%^$#$%@#7(8&(*&(*HJHGHDHG(7898798&

To Keep This One

[16 Jul 2005|11:53am]
[ mood | refreshed ]

I just had a make out dream and I woke up like in the middle of it, and then he goes... I just want to be friends, but I didn't care! He was hot, I should find him.

7 Want| To Keep This One

[15 Jul 2005|11:08pm]
[ mood | sore ]

I just got an industrial and it hurt like a bitch.

6 Want| To Keep This One

btw this took super long [15 Jul 2005|01:36am]
1. We didn't call "house" house, we called it Mother/Mother, which is kind of gay when I think about it..
2. I judge people but I'm usually right (but I love when I'm wrong)
3. I had 4 walls completely plastered in photographs in highschool, and for some reason it didn't drive me crazy but I think it's the reason I'm such a nostalgic person because I never forget people or the things we've done.
4. When the street lights came on we had to go in.
5. My first kiss was on a cruise ship and he was a really hot guy (boy?)
6. Me and Anna used to be so obbsessed with Hanson we invented lives with them in alternate universes and used to ask eachother questions about out fanatasic lives with our husbands (zac and taylor)
7. Old Fort Niagara is very haunted at night and I've experienced this first hand!
8. I really have travelled a lot but I always took it for granted.
9. Chicago was my first band.
10. I get the most amazing sense of completetion when people think I'm stupid when in actuality I get much much better grades than them.
11. I used to love church, and couldnt start a week right without it.
12. I have an answering the phone problem.
13. I remember the feeling and the movement I made stepping out of the prom limo.
14. The best moment of my life actually happened just by sitting on a bench by the water.
15. I always cry on my birthday.
16. I want to rip everything off my walls and start over.
17. When I dream about people it completely controls my conscious emotions towards them.
18. I get offended by the boys that like me.
19. My earliest memory of my life was me getting my diaper changed, which I think is pretty impressive.
20. I despise people that remind me of me, and always want to change after I meet them.
21. If someone I dont like, likes Ben Folds, I get even madder.
22. I dont want to just settle, but I think I might have to.
23. I seriously lose respect for people that dont like Eternal Sunshine
24. Ive only told one boy to his face that I liked him with those words coming out, ONLY ONCE.
25. I got student of the month in 7th grade, and I then got in trouble because the teachers felt I was doing my part as being a good "role model" and I told them I didn't ask for student of the month, and they got even madder.
26. Speaking of 7th grade my friend AT THE TIME Lisa, used to make fun of my hair, and for that I hope she dies.. soon.
27. I always feel like what I mean to say never comes out right.
28. I thought I was from the 70s in 6th grade because I wore polyester shirts and hot green cord shorts... and white platforms. I was actually just lame.
29. In 5th grade I really wanted that "I may be a girl but I'll still kick your butt" t-shirt, and a bitch cashier at Bon Ton talked my mom out of it. So I settled for "Italian girls are best in the world" where Sergio Cardenes continued to call it "Italian girls have the biggest breasts in the world" when at the time I seriously had no boobs whatsoever. (good story)
30. I was listening (and dancing to...) "Switch" by TLC when I found out my Grandma died. Weird!
31. I was always in the "head down club" in 5th grade, which meant I couldnt go out for recess.
32. I punched Mandy on the head on this girl down the streets trampoline. And I feel bad because I really did use her for her trampoline and that's the most I've ever used someone and looking back on it, it was totally horrible.
33. I have anxiety dreams but they kind of make me happy because I know it's not reality.
34. That conscious/not conscious moment when you realized vaguely you're falling asleep and begining to dream is one of my favorite feelings in the whole world.
35. A friend made fun of someone for being a 21 year old virgin once, and last night it made me cry because I realized that will be me. I resent her now.
36. Comparing myself to others in certain situations is the only way I can be okay with things, I truely believe I am okay with the things about myself that bother me, my problem comes from other's thoughts, which makes me sick.
37. I wish Matt from work was 5 years older. :(
38. It took me awhile to realize the throat noise and my hair sniffing was not normal.
39. I get frustrated because I want to own vintage jewlery and things, so I cut myself off to it instead and pretend I don't want it.
40. When I'm home, I don't need anyone but Christy
41. Dove deodorant really does moisturize my armpits.
42. If my husband cheats on me, I seriously will go psycho on him.
43. How can people with money NOT be happy? I hate them.
44. I think it's safe to say I was once a poser, because seriously, I never liked Limp Bizkit/Korn, I totally faked that :/
45. I really did dislike like... 95% of my graduating class (of highschool), but I'm glad I always knew that and didn't try to be friends with them.
46. I remember my poistioning when I inhaled that cigarette and then never stopped.
47. I hate people that engage in conversation purely to talk, and not to listen, when I find people like that I write them off immediately.
48. When my memory starts to fade, I just want someone to kill me.
49. I've probably kissed twice as many people as a lot of my friends, yet I remain the most unexperienced (HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE)
50. It makes me sad that I engaged so much time in thinking about myself.
4 Want| To Keep This One

[13 Jul 2005|12:13am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

15 Years Ago, I:

1. Got a kitten
2. Was overly hyper and constantly getting in trouble
3. Had a hitting problem
4. Had bangs
5. Met Chriddy

10 Years Ago, I:

1. Was cute
2. Loved Chris Pfaff
3. Loved Ace of Base and rollar skated to it
4. I think I went to Disney world
5. Went to summer camp!!!!


5 Years Ago, I:

1. Loved Silverchair
2. Lived in that black roxy shirt
3. Was in love with James and Matt (depending on the day)
4. Used to go to the hot spot with Christy and talk about boys?
5. Did really horrible in school


3 Years Ago, I:

1. Had a thrifty phase and over accesorized everything
2. Was best friends with Allison and Karen
3. Camp people meant everythinggggg
4. Went to Wyoming, Nagshead, Camp, and was a Jr Counselor and another camp all in oneee summer.
5. Went to NYC and it was so effing fun

2 Years Ago, I:

1. Started smoking
2. Went to shows
3. My cat died and my dad lost his job in the same week!
4. Loved Brian
5. Went to San Antonio

1 Year Ago, I:

1. Went to college
2. Was horny and hooked up with boys
3. Smoked and did shitty in classes
4. Smoked and did awesome in classes
5. Loved the 3rd floor


This Year, I:

1. Met my best friends
2. Lost one
3. Learned
4. Found my niche
5. Had the best year at school


Yesterday, I:

1. Worked...
2. Had no social interaction outside of work
3. Wrapped presents for my new nephew
4. Started Lullaby
5. Fell asleep to Say Anything


Today, I:

1. Did not enjoy work
2. Bought some pot with Christy and was scared in Nikka Falls
3. Got sad because Say Anything cancelled their tour
4. Talked to Anna!
5. Was hot and cranky

5 people/persons that I like to be around: in no particular order

1. Christy
2. Elaina
3. Ali
4. Chris
5. Bobbyalissamelissajen.....l,.,.,lklakla


5 TV Shows I Like:

1. Antiques Roadshow
2. Real World
3. Road Rules
4. The Surreal Life
5. Americas Next Top Model (SO SHOOT ME IT'S GOOD)


5 Places I've Lived:

1. Nigga Falls for a few months
2. 436 Oakie
3. Porter Hall 316
4. Tower 1 630C
5. Tower 1 440

To Keep This One

I like making journal entries that are for people that never read my journal [11 Jul 2005|12:50am]
[ mood | angry ]

Okay so I can get it for HAHAHA you went to BIBLE CAMP. Whatever. I wouldn't be here with you if I wouldnt have and I don't feel like making this overly personally and overly dramatice because I mean you'd just laugh at that anyways RIGHT? Point being I'd be some place far far far away not here, not in this house, not in these clothes, not with any of this fucking shit I have all around me if it wasnt for all that crap in my life. So yeah BIBLE camp, if you know ANYTHING about Episcopalians you know we never even open fucking bibles and I couldnt tell you a bible story if my life depended on it. It all went away one day though didnt it, because I mixed it up and tried to advance it in a way anyone would, lost all the good spirituality and saw the dark side of what people take in and try to believe in eternal life to make up for their pathetic lives where they judge and hate more than non-christians. And then it dissapeared, and I tried to get it back but it was too late and the realms of college make everything impossible.


Amen?

I by default, being an only child do NOT have good social skills, this was something that was painfully learned and changed by effort and trial and error. I feel like im sinking back into that trial era but whatever, it's not you it's me? Or vice versa, maybe.

I also love how my mood turns like this and it almost makes me want to just cut off all computer related connection and only hang out with people or talk to people when the call or come over... but then WHERE WOULD I BE? It's amazing though, 2 hours ago I was crying from laughinG so hard for like an hour straight, and now I've sunk into my inner most problems! YAY!

Also, I used to be prettier than I am now and this photograph obbsession and me feeding into the lies of them is sick, hey I wrote a paper on that so well.. ATLEAST I KNOW IT. Is that what I say about everything? "I wrote a paper on it". I had another Shelton paper anxiety dream last night, I think it's because I've run out of things to scew around with my own self and don't have any material to talk about on how I'm such a sad sad girl.

You know how you make fun of your friends behind their backs and it really isnt personal but people say dumb things or repeat themselves? Is mine "I wrote a paper on that?" I dont want to know what mine is. THIS ENTRY WAS A BAD IDEA.

4 Want| To Keep This One

[09 Jul 2005|05:48pm]
I hate missing everyone so much, and this always happens, right after I've seen everyone is when I miss them the most, after a couple weeks it turns into this different feeling, I don't know, numbness to it or somehting and I don't feel it as hard. I'm serious about this Tremont apartment shit, it's going to happen. Camping was so fun, this weekend was so fun, I'm so sad I feel like I just got back from camp or something. I just want summer to pass and dissapear and I want to go back to school nowww.
8 Want| To Keep This One

[03 Jul 2005|02:12am]
ALL MY CO WORKERS JUST SAW ME DRUNK/.


i love jimmy. the end. new boyferiend. this is a gay never ending cycle. ive given up for sereious. ahahahahahahhahahahaha nbo serious.
BYEBYEBYEBYE. dont waanna be a foo fo you.
2 Want| To Keep This One

[02 Jul 2005|06:47pm]
Can I just tell you about work today? Can I? I don't think I can put it into words. I really dont. I kinda have to laugh about it.

It's better to not take things seriously. And I mean cmon, what's funnier than being on a register with 60 people waiting for Italian Sausages and you have no pennies and no ones and no one can't find the change box. I had a seriously amazing meltdown though, it may just take the cake as my best one yet. Oscard worthy!

Awwwww Forty fort.
To Keep This One

[29 Jun 2005|07:28pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Tracy quit today. Patti sent her home cos her shorts were too short, she called 40 minutes later, said she couldnt take it and that she quit. They're droppping like flies over there. Patti didn't even care.. "it's the elast of my worries" she said. I wanted to cry... I still do, she's always the funnest to work with and I know if she's there, the day won't be horrible, and it's funny, that transition from being co workers to being real friends. I was excited we had become so close since I came back, and it's all shot to shit now. It was a long time coming though... Patti and Theresa are going to eat their words though, Trace ran the place, and they're going to be seeing that in the weeks to come. (maybe). It was hilarious because Patti was trying to calm ME down, giving ME the pep talk... she told me and asked if it would affect my job and my position (basically asking if I was going to walk out since she knows we're close). I said no of course not... that job affects my entire year... the things I do, every ounce of pot, bottle of bartons, and meal from Panos is from Oooold Fort Niagara.

I'll get over it though. I've got some good friends there. Especially my husband Matt.

I'm almost done saving for school... which is AMAZING. Which also means, I'm spending a paycheck on my Toronto trip and buying mass quantities of clothing, things.. I apply to myself to make me feel better. Did I seriously just quote an Allen paper?

3 Want| To Keep This One

[27 Jun 2005|10:38pm]
[ mood | scared ]

"Don't you see? Because we're so trained to do life the right way. To not make mistakes. I figure, the bigger the mistake looks, the better chance I'll have to break out and live a real life. Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish."


"Tyler is nowhere near hitting the bottom, yet. And if I don't fall all the way, I can't be saved. Jesus did it with his crucifixion thing, I shouldn't just abandon money and property and knowledge. This isn't just a weekend retreat. I should run from self- improvement, and I should be running towards disaster. I just can't play it safe anymore. This isn't seminar. "If you lose your nerve before you hit the bottom," Tyler says, "you'll never really succeed." Only after disaster can we be resurrected. "it's only after you've lost everything," Tyler says, "that you're free to do anything."


SAME THING CHUCK.
I'm getting ideas.
Bye everyone!

1 Want| To Keep This One

Do you ever write one letter and look at all the subjects you've left that have saved? I DO [25 Jun 2005|01:14am]
[ mood | excited ]

So I got off my full 3 days of requesting for my 3 lovers visits, even though I only asked for 2 (BECOS I WAS SCARED) and I was so surprised... and then I realized I work 8 days straight before... oh sweet, sweet moment of clarity. I'm so NOT EXCITED FOR EFFING F&I, re-enactors not employed at the fort are all fucking ass holes, completely arrogant people, with no lives, and I'm sorry but, seriously, get a life. You're dressing up as a soldier and you look like an idiot, and the rudeness to me just makes you even more lame. You'd be cool if you weren't GAY.

I was sitting at the register and I realized I was seeing everyone tomorrow and then I told everyone and no one cared and I yelled at Tracy for not caring about my life. Me, Katie, and Tracy decided today we are REAL friends and need to hang out outside of work, which is cute because we are amazing. The arkies bought us a cake and all signed a card which is mad awesome because the group last year didn't. There's one girl that I think I recognized from school, I think she may have lived in the towers so, it'd be funny to run into them at school... like this year when the one I called my boyfriend all summer was in my Shelton class. Ayyy yi yi.

So I've given in to the James thing.. Sunday I think. I'll make him drive to Niagara on the Lake... or Clifton or something. We're not fucking hanging out in Niagara Falls or Y-town, no way no way no way. The idiot wants to smoke though, what an idiot, the one who told ME when we were TOGETHER that smoking was the biggest turn off. Hahaha, oh James.

5 of my myspace friends are animals. What is wrong with us??!! I've been listening to Woe by Say Anything for like 3 days straight. I've been doing that ALL summer... luckily for Alissa I have an ipod and when I feel my little "problem" coming on I can ipod it up. OR SHE'D KILL ME.

So sis is due for the baby andy day now. I'll have another nephew! I have 2 neices/2 nephews, and they are so cute and I love and miss them. So... end of July I think the kids are coming up, well not the new one, so that gives Tiff and stupid Brian time with the new baby. I would give anything to hold a little baby right now, I'm pathetic. I guess my I'M TOO COOL TO HAVE KIDS days have ceased. Kids are little brats when I see them at work, but some are so fucking cute, whenever little boys buy the plastic swords we have, they always give me this devilish look and then whip it out like Zorro. Tha sounded so fucking disgusting, but seriously it's the funniest thing in the world.

Today I realized June is almost over and, and... I was happy. How did that happen anyways?

12 Want| To Keep This One

[20 Jun 2005|08:02am]
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH A TAN
14 Want| To Keep This One

[18 Jun 2005|05:36pm]
My feet hurt!

Thursday at the square was awesome but I cannot stand Charlie, I think it comes down to him being my ex fling and him hurting me and me getting turned off in some odd way that only him and James have conquered out of all the many boys I have once pined over. I mean, boys hurt you, it's life, but it usually doesn't turn you off to them forever. I have alas, tried to change this. No such luck, the heart is illogical right? I have always known that Allison has always been the most influential opinion in my life, it was like, if I liked something and she didn't, I would then see the bad in it and stop liking it too, vice versa with some things I didn't like and she did... and Allison is obviously not a big fan of James (hah!) OR Charlie after the whole "oh btw I'm using you to see Allison" fiasco.. maybe this is why I don't like them. I guess I've settled for my tendancy to "be a follower"

I'm going to be unapologetic for my feelings though, if I wasn't I'd dwell forever and ever.

I miss you girls and love you times one gazzilion! SATURDAY!!! <3

Tracy is a pill poper and today I took 2 hydros, and felt weird for about 5 minutes, and then nothing. Ahhh the sad realizations that drugs are overratted.. hey wait a second.

WHY DIDNT ANYONE TAG ME.



EDIT
1. "Putting The Damage On" Tori Amos
2. "Trees Keep Growing" Azure Ray
3. "Wandering" Ben Folds
4. "Peer Pressure" Jon Brion
5. "The Light and The Glass" Coheed and Cambria
6. "Will You Feel Better" Regina Spektor
5 Want| To Keep This One

[14 Jun 2005|11:14pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

Maybe I'm a bit nostalgic tonight, but I'm reading old logs with the crew, preferably friday or saturday night drunken ones, and this one is my favorite.


Kris10Thumper: I LEFT YOU A COMMDNG
x Characterflaw: WHAAAATS
Kris10Thumper: a comment
Kris10Thumper: WHERE ARE MY PANTS????
x Characterflaw: where is my... GARBAGE CAN
x Characterflaw: i swear to god its not here
x Characterflaw: and morgan and her friend are sleeping out here and cooper is no where to be found;
Kris10Thumper: WHAAAAAAT
Kris10Thumper: youre garbage can is up hjere
Kris10Thumper: want me to bring it doen
Kris10Thumper: also have no pants on
x Characterflaw: lol
x Characterflaw: sure
Kris10Thumper: okay im coming down pantless
x Characterflaw: oh double dear
Kris10Thumper: whaaaat
Kris10Thumper: okay
Kris10Thumper: im knocking at your door right now
Kris10Thumper: pantless
Kris10Thumper: with a grabge can
Kris10Thumper: are you ready?
x Characterflaw: yeah
Kris10Thumper: okay im lying
Kris10Thumper: well
Kris10Thumper: i dont have pants on
Kris10Thumper: but i also dont have your can
x Characterflaw: ayyy yi yi

4 Want| To Keep This One

[14 Jun 2005|12:21am]
[ mood | good ]

Okay this is the ultimate breakup song but it makes me... happy? I love this song I love this song I love this song I love this song I love this song... 5 days straight!

To Keep This One

[13 Jun 2005|01:25am]
Upper Mountatin Rd where all the Indians live the real rez.. um scariest 10 minutes of my life. BAD decision.
2 Want| To Keep This One

[11 Jun 2005|06:41pm]
Tracy likes to pour cold water on us, granted it feels amazing, not so amazing when it goes straight down my back right into my underwear and gives me what appears to be swamp ass...
BABAGAFAGAGAHAHA. IM AVOIDING A CERTAIN SOMEONE LIKE THE PLAGUE WHATS WRONG WITH ME?
2 Want| To Keep This One

[10 Jun 2005|06:47pm]
[ mood | still sore. MY FEETS ]

And seriously, when did I become a social recluse only belong to Christy and Elaina? I don't want Charlie to come over but I would like to hang out with the above mentioned. I'm... I've got some issues.

7 Want| To Keep This One

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