(no subject)

New journal time... these old entries make me cringe, so read them for a good laugh, otherwise I'm, moving on and sorry about the friends cut... just keeping the real ones close. So yeah, the new unexplained person on your friends list.. it's just me! ADD ME NOW.

(no subject)

So yesterday Dan IMs me out of the blue and is actually talking to me which is a change because, well he's never online and our lives split last year and whatnot... well I know he's not coming back to the buff so I really always wanted him to know I liked him because, come on that's funny. So I told him and I was like, I really dont care because I'm never seeing you again and he was like WHAT? WHEN? Oh you're going to see me and you're going to be so happy, and I was like... NO I DONT EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

The powers out at the fort, oh let me explain this 5 gazillion billion people who actually CAME IN today even though the BATHROOMS DONT WORK.
Idiot- "So how long has the power been out, did you have a storm?"
Me- "No it went out at 2 yesterday, a transformer broke up, I MEAN BLEW UP! Why do I keep saying BROKE UP?"

I HATE CINDY AND ALL THE PEOPLE THAT WORK FOR HER. She's an idiot and she always bitches about our staff when we have the hardest jobs there! Why can't the gateperson tell the freaking people why there's no power???? DON'T YOU THINK THEYD LIKE TO KNOW??? Jake was doing a musket fireing demonstration and katie wanted to go over and watch it because she was off the clock, so I start walking over and it kinda had already started, and I was like NOOO Katie I can't go over there, I was probably rude to all those people, and I'll walk up and they'll be like oh, there's that bitchy cashier that over charged me! :( You do 100 transactions on calculator! Although... we did it the very hard way until Theresa came in and showed us how to do it right... holy hell. Oh and then Lauren, little miss... I just got hired this year and have been working for a month... who bosses ME around... now I know this high and mighty ranking system of who has rank over who is was drove Trace to quit and everything, but... this little tart doesnt know how to do anything, and, she was all like... oh if Theresa doesn't come in I can close... and I'm like are ya nuts? There are like 5 of us qualified to close and you are not one of them! Well... all I said was you don't know how to close, and she got super pissed at me but whatever, she's an idiot. No one knows what the fuck or who the fuck I'm talking about.

I also had to tell Rory at work today I had a boyfriend so he wouldnt ask me out :(

But hey there's like a little over a month till school....!!!!hja6%^$#$%@#7(8&(*&(*HJHGHDHG(7898798&
  • Current Music
    say anything- belt

(no subject)

I just had a make out dream and I woke up like in the middle of it, and then he goes... I just want to be friends, but I didn't care! He was hot, I should find him.
  • Current Music
    my mom is shreddding papers

btw this took super long

1. We didn't call "house" house, we called it Mother/Mother, which is kind of gay when I think about it..
2. I judge people but I'm usually right (but I love when I'm wrong)
3. I had 4 walls completely plastered in photographs in highschool, and for some reason it didn't drive me crazy but I think it's the reason I'm such a nostalgic person because I never forget people or the things we've done.
4. When the street lights came on we had to go in.
5. My first kiss was on a cruise ship and he was a really hot guy (boy?)
6. Me and Anna used to be so obbsessed with Hanson we invented lives with them in alternate universes and used to ask eachother questions about out fanatasic lives with our husbands (zac and taylor)
7. Old Fort Niagara is very haunted at night and I've experienced this first hand!
8. I really have travelled a lot but I always took it for granted.
9. Chicago was my first band.
10. I get the most amazing sense of completetion when people think I'm stupid when in actuality I get much much better grades than them.
11. I used to love church, and couldnt start a week right without it.
12. I have an answering the phone problem.
13. I remember the feeling and the movement I made stepping out of the prom limo.
14. The best moment of my life actually happened just by sitting on a bench by the water.
15. I always cry on my birthday.
16. I want to rip everything off my walls and start over.
17. When I dream about people it completely controls my conscious emotions towards them.
18. I get offended by the boys that like me.
19. My earliest memory of my life was me getting my diaper changed, which I think is pretty impressive.
20. I despise people that remind me of me, and always want to change after I meet them.
21. If someone I dont like, likes Ben Folds, I get even madder.
22. I dont want to just settle, but I think I might have to.
23. I seriously lose respect for people that dont like Eternal Sunshine
24. Ive only told one boy to his face that I liked him with those words coming out, ONLY ONCE.
25. I got student of the month in 7th grade, and I then got in trouble because the teachers felt I was doing my part as being a good "role model" and I told them I didn't ask for student of the month, and they got even madder.
26. Speaking of 7th grade my friend AT THE TIME Lisa, used to make fun of my hair, and for that I hope she dies.. soon.
27. I always feel like what I mean to say never comes out right.
28. I thought I was from the 70s in 6th grade because I wore polyester shirts and hot green cord shorts... and white platforms. I was actually just lame.
29. In 5th grade I really wanted that "I may be a girl but I'll still kick your butt" t-shirt, and a bitch cashier at Bon Ton talked my mom out of it. So I settled for "Italian girls are best in the world" where Sergio Cardenes continued to call it "Italian girls have the biggest breasts in the world" when at the time I seriously had no boobs whatsoever. (good story)
30. I was listening (and dancing to...) "Switch" by TLC when I found out my Grandma died. Weird!
31. I was always in the "head down club" in 5th grade, which meant I couldnt go out for recess.
32. I punched Mandy on the head on this girl down the streets trampoline. And I feel bad because I really did use her for her trampoline and that's the most I've ever used someone and looking back on it, it was totally horrible.
33. I have anxiety dreams but they kind of make me happy because I know it's not reality.
34. That conscious/not conscious moment when you realized vaguely you're falling asleep and begining to dream is one of my favorite feelings in the whole world.
35. A friend made fun of someone for being a 21 year old virgin once, and last night it made me cry because I realized that will be me. I resent her now.
36. Comparing myself to others in certain situations is the only way I can be okay with things, I truely believe I am okay with the things about myself that bother me, my problem comes from other's thoughts, which makes me sick.
37. I wish Matt from work was 5 years older. :(
38. It took me awhile to realize the throat noise and my hair sniffing was not normal.
39. I get frustrated because I want to own vintage jewlery and things, so I cut myself off to it instead and pretend I don't want it.
40. When I'm home, I don't need anyone but Christy
41. Dove deodorant really does moisturize my armpits.
42. If my husband cheats on me, I seriously will go psycho on him.
43. How can people with money NOT be happy? I hate them.
44. I think it's safe to say I was once a poser, because seriously, I never liked Limp Bizkit/Korn, I totally faked that :/
45. I really did dislike like... 95% of my graduating class (of highschool), but I'm glad I always knew that and didn't try to be friends with them.
46. I remember my poistioning when I inhaled that cigarette and then never stopped.
47. I hate people that engage in conversation purely to talk, and not to listen, when I find people like that I write them off immediately.
48. When my memory starts to fade, I just want someone to kill me.
49. I've probably kissed twice as many people as a lot of my friends, yet I remain the most unexperienced (HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE)
50. It makes me sad that I engaged so much time in thinking about myself.
  • Current Music
    say anything- slowly, through a vector

(no subject)

15 Years Ago, I:

1. Got a kitten
2. Was overly hyper and constantly getting in trouble
3. Had a hitting problem
4. Had bangs
5. Met Chriddy

10 Years Ago, I:

1. Was cute
2. Loved Chris Pfaff
3. Loved Ace of Base and rollar skated to it
4. I think I went to Disney world
5. Went to summer camp!!!!

5 Years Ago, I:

1. Loved Silverchair
2. Lived in that black roxy shirt
3. Was in love with James and Matt (depending on the day)
4. Used to go to the hot spot with Christy and talk about boys?
5. Did really horrible in school

3 Years Ago, I:

1. Had a thrifty phase and over accesorized everything
2. Was best friends with Allison and Karen
3. Camp people meant everythinggggg
4. Went to Wyoming, Nagshead, Camp, and was a Jr Counselor and another camp all in oneee summer.
5. Went to NYC and it was so effing fun

2 Years Ago, I:

1. Started smoking
2. Went to shows
3. My cat died and my dad lost his job in the same week!
4. Loved Brian
5. Went to San Antonio

1 Year Ago, I:

1. Went to college
2. Was horny and hooked up with boys
3. Smoked and did shitty in classes
4. Smoked and did awesome in classes
5. Loved the 3rd floor

This Year, I:

1. Met my best friends
2. Lost one
3. Learned
4. Found my niche
5. Had the best year at school

Yesterday, I:

1. Worked...
2. Had no social interaction outside of work
3. Wrapped presents for my new nephew
4. Started Lullaby
5. Fell asleep to Say Anything

Today, I:

1. Did not enjoy work
2. Bought some pot with Christy and was scared in Nikka Falls
3. Got sad because Say Anything cancelled their tour
4. Talked to Anna!
5. Was hot and cranky

5 people/persons that I like to be around: in no particular order

1. Christy
2. Elaina
3. Ali
4. Chris
5. Bobbyalissamelissajen.....l,.,.,lklakla

5 TV Shows I Like:

1. Antiques Roadshow
2. Real World
3. Road Rules
4. The Surreal Life
5. Americas Next Top Model (SO SHOOT ME IT'S GOOD)

5 Places I've Lived:

1. Nigga Falls for a few months
2. 436 Oakie
3. Porter Hall 316
4. Tower 1 630C
5. Tower 1 440
  • Current Music
    only living boy in ny- s&g

I like making journal entries that are for people that never read my journal

Okay so I can get it for HAHAHA you went to BIBLE CAMP. Whatever. I wouldn't be here with you if I wouldnt have and I don't feel like making this overly personally and overly dramatice because I mean you'd just laugh at that anyways RIGHT? Point being I'd be some place far far far away not here, not in this house, not in these clothes, not with any of this fucking shit I have all around me if it wasnt for all that crap in my life. So yeah BIBLE camp, if you know ANYTHING about Episcopalians you know we never even open fucking bibles and I couldnt tell you a bible story if my life depended on it. It all went away one day though didnt it, because I mixed it up and tried to advance it in a way anyone would, lost all the good spirituality and saw the dark side of what people take in and try to believe in eternal life to make up for their pathetic lives where they judge and hate more than non-christians. And then it dissapeared, and I tried to get it back but it was too late and the realms of college make everything impossible.


I by default, being an only child do NOT have good social skills, this was something that was painfully learned and changed by effort and trial and error. I feel like im sinking back into that trial era but whatever, it's not you it's me? Or vice versa, maybe.

I also love how my mood turns like this and it almost makes me want to just cut off all computer related connection and only hang out with people or talk to people when the call or come over... but then WHERE WOULD I BE? It's amazing though, 2 hours ago I was crying from laughinG so hard for like an hour straight, and now I've sunk into my inner most problems! YAY!

Also, I used to be prettier than I am now and this photograph obbsession and me feeding into the lies of them is sick, hey I wrote a paper on that so well.. ATLEAST I KNOW IT. Is that what I say about everything? "I wrote a paper on it". I had another Shelton paper anxiety dream last night, I think it's because I've run out of things to scew around with my own self and don't have any material to talk about on how I'm such a sad sad girl.

You know how you make fun of your friends behind their backs and it really isnt personal but people say dumb things or repeat themselves? Is mine "I wrote a paper on that?" I dont want to know what mine is. THIS ENTRY WAS A BAD IDEA.
  • Current Mood
    angry angry

(no subject)

I hate missing everyone so much, and this always happens, right after I've seen everyone is when I miss them the most, after a couple weeks it turns into this different feeling, I don't know, numbness to it or somehting and I don't feel it as hard. I'm serious about this Tremont apartment shit, it's going to happen. Camping was so fun, this weekend was so fun, I'm so sad I feel like I just got back from camp or something. I just want summer to pass and dissapear and I want to go back to school nowww.

(no subject)


i love jimmy. the end. new boyferiend. this is a gay never ending cycle. ive given up for sereious. ahahahahahahhahahahaha nbo serious.
BYEBYEBYEBYE. dont waanna be a foo fo you.
  • Current Music
    i am drunk. and nnndndn BEN FOLDS.

(no subject)

Can I just tell you about work today? Can I? I don't think I can put it into words. I really dont. I kinda have to laugh about it.

It's better to not take things seriously. And I mean cmon, what's funnier than being on a register with 60 people waiting for Italian Sausages and you have no pennies and no ones and no one can't find the change box. I had a seriously amazing meltdown though, it may just take the cake as my best one yet. Oscard worthy!

Awwwww Forty fort.
  • Current Music
    curisve- fairytales tell tales